grandma shit on top of the toilet
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize