she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
