What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
