This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
