i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
