what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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