dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
