This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
