Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize