this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize