Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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