i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
My cat gives me a boner
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
