maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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