i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
