I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
