Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
