If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
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