she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
At least life still wants to fuck me.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
