I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
