Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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