actually, I'm a sock model
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Let's get the cat blown out
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
