dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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