Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
