Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
