if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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