I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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