Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
