i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I skipped work to stalk him.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
