I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
40s are totally the cure
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
