I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
