She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize