Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i think my tv is drunk
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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