Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
