I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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