6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
