My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
