i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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