May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize