His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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