I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I want to be your penis for a week.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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