I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
My vagina just recognized that song.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
