Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He felt like a one man threesome
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
