VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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