Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Girls should come with a carfax report
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
