I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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