I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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