Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
