Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Randomize