Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
