thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
