this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
