Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
