so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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