she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
