reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize