I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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