five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
