And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
