Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Small penises have feelings too.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
