i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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