The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize
