whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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