I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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