On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You need a sexual gate keeper
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
