A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
