My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
