How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
