My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Your cock deserves a montage
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
