He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize