So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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