I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
she told me i tasted like america
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize