We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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