sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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