I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
