I wish I only lived at night.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
