I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
