It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
