my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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