break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
