So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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