I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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