Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize