how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
