Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize