My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
