I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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