i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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