I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
