idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Please don't give away my fajitas
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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