guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
