And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I supernannyed him into submission
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
