: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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