So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
