The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
