Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
