too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
