plz talk dirty to me
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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