I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
