I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
