why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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