I smell stomach acid.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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