I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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